Today

I looked at Google today and wondered why the special design, and then it dawned on me: Father's Day. It's a day I find myself either hyper aware of, or completely oblivious to. I lost my dad in 1997 - it's hard to believe that over a decade has gone by since that fateful November day. My dad's passing has coloured my life in so many ways. When I was a young kid, my dad was my best pal. We liked to play Trivial Pursuit and had a shared love of dessert. Looking back, my favourite times with my dad were spent eating Black Forest Cake in a patisserie in Kowloon while my mom shopped. As I got older, things got more complicated. I realized that my dad was human. He had been a hero in my eyes for such a long time, that when I saw that he was a mere regular person - and one with many flaws - it was a disappointment. My dad was an alcoholic. He battled depression. And he left my mom and I to be with another woman. He really wasn't the stuff that heroes are made of. My dad was the first man to break my heart. But still, I loved him, because as with all things in life it wasn't black and white. The older I have gotten, the more I believe I understand my dad. I wish that we'd gotten a chance to talk about things more. Instead, there was a vast gulf of silence between us leading up to his death. When I think of my dad, I see him as a regular guy, with flaws. And I miss that guy. While my dad was in no way perfect, he was really smart, and had a great sense of humour. He had a hearty appetite, and a love of food. I know we would have shared some great meals if he was still around. He also always had a lot of love for me. His actions didn't always show it, but as I reflect, I know that he was battling his own demons. So on this day, I band together with the other people in my life who have lost their dads. It's a day to remember.